When I get bored, I sometimes feed the urge to pass time by browsing social media, like most people. The great part about this is you don’t necessarily have to socialize at all in order to get lost in everything you see. As I was browsing today, I came across an article titled “Dear Sh*tty Husbands: This Is Your Wake Up Call” by Matthew Fray. Normally, I’d scroll past these types of articles (more on that in a little bit), but today just seemed like the perfect day to read about one recovering shitty husband’s advice to all current shitty husbands.
I was immediately interested in what this guy was talking about, as the opening line reads:
“Why do we leave our spouses alone in a marriage built for two?”
This was followed up by dumb stuff shitty husbands usually say they are good at, most of it being things you are already required to do, but if it makes them feel good about themselves, so be it. Then it gets deeper; this is really a sad story about a guy who had the world and took it for granted.
I won’t do a play-by-play of this entire article, but for those of you that are about to read my shitty husband moments, you may want to read his too at the link below. It’s a great article and worth your time. Definitely a must read for the rest of you other shitty husbands out there. You know who you are.
For starters, no man wakes up one morning and just discovers by the grace of cosmic rainbows and unicorns that he’s been an asshole to his spouse. Trust me, we already know. Or don’t trust me, do with that what you will. It’s my blog. The truth is, all of us deal with it in different ways, and the time it takes and/or circumstances involved that force us to finally deal with it vary.
Two things bothered me about this article.
First, the author acknowledged his flaws; says for all to see that he was not the perfect husband. That’s already a hard pill to swallow. The next step is to work on you. But that part that bugged me was this:
“But I was an asshole. A selfish one. And while I truly believe I redeemed myself during the final two years of our marriage, when I was growing and she was withdrawing, I was a shitty husband for the seven years prior.”
That’s right. For two years our friend tried to right his wrongs, and for two years his wife remained with him, only to leave him anyway. I don’t know this family, therefore I don’t know the fine details of his story, but you mean to tell me she left him during the two best years they’ve had probably since the wedding?
I am not defending him, I don’t know the extent of his prior assholery, but this is one of the few times a guy actually learned before it was too late- and it still broke.
Here’s the second thing that bothered me, and here’s where we get serious about it. As I was scrolling down my timeline, I saw the article title and immediately clicked on it. After I backed out of it, I noticed that one of my social network friends “liked” it: my own wife.
Now, this could very well be just the fact that she liked the article, maybe the way it was written, maybe she’s read other posts from the website, who knows? Maybe my line of thinking was just blown out of proportion. Again, who knows? Whatever the case, it had me dwelling over my own stuff, and it wasn’t long before I came to the realization that the author and I are a lot alike.
Like I said, we know. We know when we’re being assholes. We know when we are doing things our spouse won’t like. It’s only a matter of time before we decide to own up to it and work on ourselves, which is exactly what I’ve been trying to do for right around two years now. So, on my journey for growth, the latest lesson to learn: fear.
I am a recovering shitty husband as well. One thing’s for sure: if the time on my marriage isn’t limited, my time on Earth most certainly is. So to all of my fellow assholes out there, stop that shit. Love your spouse. The right way. No one like paying interest rates.
“The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”